I'm Irish Everyday, Not Just March 17...

...but more on that and my two weeks of celebrating later.  Got a few things to do but I had some thoughts in my head and just felt like coming on here to rant about those thoughts and feelings.  Some of my St. Paddy's celebrations fall into how I am feeling right now because I met someone.  I saw him earlier today and it got the wheels in my head to turn.  So I decided to pop on a podcast, 'Jay and Silent Bob Get Old' (funniest fucking thing!!) while typing this and having a few puffs of that illegal stuff.

I haven't been in a relationship in two and a half years, since I was with my daughter's father before I moved to Florida (the relationship ended August, 2008...I got pregnant the next month by him, the night before I left for the Sunshine State :\).  The past year or so, I've been so against relationships.  I've been saying I don't have time for one between the baby and going to school, and I just don't want a relationship at this point in my life.  I've never been a single girl who goes out and has fun.  I was only in two relationships in my life for a total of about four years (just under three for one and about one for the other), from the time I was 19 until I was 23.  I'm now about to turn 26.

The past couple months, I've been going out and enjoying being a hot, single mom.  I've met people, some I liked, some I didn't.  Some I hooked up with, some I didn't ('hookup' not necessarily meaning sex).  Some liked me.  A lot.  But I pushed them all away.

Why?  That's the only thing I'm asking myself.  I don't get it.  I don't want a relationship but at the same time, I miss the warmth, the companionship, the love, and the support of having a significant other.  I don't want to be tied down, but it's possible that I need someone to tame me.  I want to go out and be crazy and wild but I want to go home and lay down with someone's warm arms around me.  If I go out and someone is out, I want to have fun with him without feeling guilty.  I don't know what I want anymore.  I just don't know.

Dull, Boring Weekend

Didn't get to do anything this weekend. Had no one to go out with Friday and babysat Saturday. Today, I spent the day with my daughter. Looking forward to the Shamrock Shuttle! I'm going with my brother's girlfriend even though I'm not crazy over her. Maybe I'll run into someone I know and be able to ditch her...or I can always make new friends!  Back to class tomorrow morning. Don't wanna go. But I'll be looking forward to my next adventures out: Shamrock Shuttle on the 5th, a Perception of Reality and Fight the Brave show on St. Pat's and Perception of Reality featured in the final round of a Battle of the Bands on my birthday weekend. Should be some fun times. All of these events are places I'd be going with if I still talked to my best friend but she chose other things over me. Sucks but what can you do? I did what I could. She can't be helped if she doesn't want to be. Wonder if I'll run into her on the Shuttle (we were supposed to go on it together) or at the St. Patty's show (we've known about it for over a month already). We saw each other last week but neither of us said anything to the other. We both wiped tears away before our makeup smeared...

Goodbye for now.

Kim