Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Avenged Sevonfold - Unholy Confessions

What a Past Few Weeks!

So I had fun not doing the Shamrock Shuttle. Lots of fun! The next weekend was a weekend full of Irish festivities.  Saturday, the 12th, my mom's best friend had a little party at her house.  My daughter enjoyed herself (most of the time), especially when she thought she was drinking my beer! I also decided that Miller Lite tastes like shit out of a can.  The next day was the St. Paddy's Day Parade (it's always the Sunday before St. Pat's here but if St. Pat's falls ON a Sunday, it's that day and if Palm Sunday happens to fall that Sunday before the big day, the parade is the week before..not that any of that matters).  It was fun but cold! The group I march with doesn't do anything special, we just have a truck that plays music that we follow.  It's a good time.  We won the Joseph E. Montgomery Award for Outstanding AOH / LAOH Division.

Saint Patrick's Day arrived!  I wore a shirt that I had made the day before with a pair of tight, hot jeans.  I had plans to go to a bar down by my school to see a couple of bands play.  One of my best friends from high school, Will, came with me.  He went to a show with me before, a couple months ago.  We went and had a great time.  Crazy time for me.  I brought the last of my 100 proof Southern Comfort with me to pregame on the bus ride (it was just like being back in high school!).  So I had a nice little buzz when I got there.  We missed the first band.  They started before we got there and Will and I stayed downstairs until the Flyers game was over.  Will and I smoked and bullshitted with some of the guys in the band.  The second band was pretty good.  One of the bands I went to see went on third.  They were pretty good.  I think it was probably only like the third time I actually wasn't running off with someone while they were playing so I haven't actually listened to them that much.  I don't really remember the fourth band, the other band that I was there to see.  I remember them playing their last song because it's my favorite of theirs.

Obviously, since I don't even remember the band I was there to see, I have quite a few blackout moments.  There was a fight between a two guys from the two bands I went out for.  I remember someone laying on the floor but I didn't know what happened.  I have bruises all over me.  I have a huge cut on my ass.  I left my camera at the bar.  I left my cell phone in the cab.  Always fun.  I missed my midterm for Anthropology the next day (but I'm a good actress so my teacher is going to let me make it up at the end of the term).  I was hungover.

Saturday, a friend that I haven't seen in a year, Kimi, had a St. Paddy's party.  She invited me the week before.  I was going to take the baby with me but her grandmother called me that afternoon to ask if she could take her overnight.  Kim had told me that her fiancee, Jim, had a friend who was going and asked if he had any single girls coming to the party, and he mentioned me.  I looked cute that night.  Pair of jeans that were about 2 sizes too big and a green tube top with a black zipper-up tee shirt.  Put my hair in pigtails and clipped big, sparkly shamrocks to them.  Kimi picked me up, and on the way, picked up her friend Amy.  There were a bunch of guys when we got to Jim's house - well, all guys.  Us girls hung out for a bit, drank a bit.  A cute guy came in.  Kim, Amy, and I went out for a smoke.  While we were out there, Kim talked about the cute guy that came in.  He was her fiancee's friend, whose name was also Jim (but we'll call him Jimmy).  We started talking not too long after.  I don't know how, or with who, but a conversation about wrestling started.  Jim brought out his WWE title belt! I was happy with that!  Posed for pictures with it (can't wait to see those!), wore it to 7-11.  Fun.  When we got back from 7-11, the Jimmy and I started making out in the foyer (Kim opened the door and took a picture).  Around 3, most people either left or were passed out on the couches.  Kim, Jimmy, and I were the only ones up.  It wasn't much past 4 when I decided to go to bed.  Jimmy came with me.  I think we were up until about 6.

He's texted me and called me since.  That's a shocker.  He even picked me up yesterday after an appointment I had and drove me home.  I like him.  But read my previous post.  I just don't know.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I'm Irish Everyday, Not Just March 17...

...but more on that and my two weeks of celebrating later.  Got a few things to do but I had some thoughts in my head and just felt like coming on here to rant about those thoughts and feelings.  Some of my St. Paddy's celebrations fall into how I am feeling right now because I met someone.  I saw him earlier today and it got the wheels in my head to turn.  So I decided to pop on a podcast, 'Jay and Silent Bob Get Old' (funniest fucking thing!!) while typing this and having a few puffs of that illegal stuff.

I haven't been in a relationship in two and a half years, since I was with my daughter's father before I moved to Florida (the relationship ended August, 2008...I got pregnant the next month by him, the night before I left for the Sunshine State :\).  The past year or so, I've been so against relationships.  I've been saying I don't have time for one between the baby and going to school, and I just don't want a relationship at this point in my life.  I've never been a single girl who goes out and has fun.  I was only in two relationships in my life for a total of about four years (just under three for one and about one for the other), from the time I was 19 until I was 23.  I'm now about to turn 26.

The past couple months, I've been going out and enjoying being a hot, single mom.  I've met people, some I liked, some I didn't.  Some I hooked up with, some I didn't ('hookup' not necessarily meaning sex).  Some liked me.  A lot.  But I pushed them all away.

Why?  That's the only thing I'm asking myself.  I don't get it.  I don't want a relationship but at the same time, I miss the warmth, the companionship, the love, and the support of having a significant other.  I don't want to be tied down, but it's possible that I need someone to tame me.  I want to go out and be crazy and wild but I want to go home and lay down with someone's warm arms around me.  If I go out and someone is out, I want to have fun with him without feeling guilty.  I don't know what I want anymore.  I just don't know.

Monday, March 7, 2011

A Thought Before Bed

No one knows me. Not really. I've discovered so much about myself the past 6 months or so, things I never even knew. It's so crazy to think that I am almost 26 years old and don't even know everything about my own self. If I don't even know my own soul, my own body, my own mind, how can anyone else say they know me? No one can. No one but God. I'm such a different person now than I was ten, five, two, even one year ago. I continue to grow and change every day and I love it.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Made this out of pure boredom...hopefully I'll make more!

Almost Spring Break!

Just had my first midterm.  Have a quiz later in geography (should be an easy 100) and tomorrow I have a math test.  I was worried about the math test but when the teacher did the review yesterday, the stuff I didn't understand just seemed to click! So that should be an A.  After that test, I'm done school until the 14th.  Looking forward to the Shamrock Shuttle on Saturday - if I can make it.  I was originally supposed to go with my best friend but she stopped talking to me.  Then I made plans with my brother's girlfriend.  I don't know what's gonna happen with her now - she just found out she's pregnant and is planning an abortion.  I'll find someone to go with, someway, somehow.  I have over 500 friends on Facebook so it shouldn't be too hard...should it?