...but more on that and my two weeks of celebrating later. Got a few things to do but I had some thoughts in my head and just felt like coming on here to rant about those thoughts and feelings. Some of my St. Paddy's celebrations fall into how I am feeling right now because I met someone. I saw him earlier today and it got the wheels in my head to turn. So I decided to pop on a podcast, 'Jay and Silent Bob Get Old' (funniest fucking thing!!) while typing this and having a few puffs of that illegal stuff.
I haven't been in a relationship in two and a half years, since I was with my daughter's father before I moved to Florida (the relationship ended August, 2008...I got pregnant the next month by him, the night before I left for the Sunshine State :\). The past year or so, I've been so against relationships. I've been saying I don't have time for one between the baby and going to school, and I just don't want a relationship at this point in my life. I've never been a single girl who goes out and has fun. I was only in two relationships in my life for a total of about four years (just under three for one and about one for the other), from the time I was 19 until I was 23. I'm now about to turn 26.
The past couple months, I've been going out and enjoying being a hot, single mom. I've met people, some I liked, some I didn't. Some I hooked up with, some I didn't ('hookup' not necessarily meaning sex). Some liked me. A lot. But I pushed them all away.
Why? That's the only thing I'm asking myself. I don't get it. I don't want a relationship but at the same time, I miss the warmth, the companionship, the love, and the support of having a significant other. I don't want to be tied down, but it's possible that I need someone to tame me. I want to go out and be crazy and wild but I want to go home and lay down with someone's warm arms around me. If I go out and someone is out, I want to have fun with him without feeling guilty. I don't know what I want anymore. I just don't know.