Tuesday, August 30, 2011

One Year

People who know me know that I battled with drugs a few years ago.  I'm not shy about talking about it either.  Back around 2006, I would be in a lot of pain during a certain time of the month.  I would be in so much pain that I could barely get out of bed.  I began to buy Percocets during that one time.  In April of 2007, I started hanging out with some co-workers.  I began to buy the pills more often.  Eventually, one of my co-workers introduced me to OxyContin, or oxies.  I began with them slowly.  One 80 milligram tablet would last me about 4 or 5 days.  As time went on, I was doing them more and more.  Within a few months, I started seeing one of those co-workers.  He lost his job and got locked up.  After he got out of jail three weeks later, we just went on an almost year-long binge (he never got his job back so I bought them for BOTH of us).  My paychecks would vary from $600-1000 every two weeks.  About 9/10 of that money went toward the opiates.  I lost about 50 pounds in not even two months after I began taking them.

In July 2008, my niece got baptized.  After her Christening, where I was her Godmother, my brother started a huge fight with me and in front of family, during her party.  I left the house and went back to my chill spot on the Delaware River.  I sat and thought for a little while and decided to ask a friend if I could move in with her. She lives almost 1000 miles away.  I bought my one-way plane ticket to Florida with my next paycheck.  The ticket was for September 17.

The night before I left, I ran all over my neighborhood like crazy trying to find some pills.  I met up with the co-worker that I had been seeing.  It was my first time seeing him in three weeks.  We were together that night and he came home with me to drop me off (at 6AM; I had a 9AM flight and hadn't even begun to pack).  He came back with me only because I told him that I had gotten a pill but left it at my house.

Three weeks after I got to my new home in bright, sunshiney Florida, I discovered I was pregnant.  After fighting with myself about keeping the baby or not (fighting the decision for about a month), I decided to keep it.  I was set on not keeping the baby.  I had about $700 of the operation cost, which was just under $1000.  Finally, I decided I couldn't bring myself to do it.  I'm pro-choice, I believe that a woman has every right to do what she wants with her body, to a certain degree.  I don't believe in abortion as a form of birth control or past the first trimester.  I'm not turning this into a pro-choice / pro-life thing so I'm gonna stop right there.

Anyway, lo and behold, 9 months later (well, really 8 - my daughter was a week early), I gave birth.  It was the best choice I ever made in my life.  However, for a bit, I couldn't stay away from the painkillers.  I got a prescription for the percs.  They lasted me a week (but I had an emergency C-section and had 14 staples in me).  When my daughter was about two months old, I started with the oxies again.  I began to get a little bad again, but not as bad as I was.  By January 2010, I had stopped taking them.  I didn't touch them until my 25th birthday in April.  After that, I did them the whole summer up until the weekend of August 20.

I haven't touch an opiate since then.  No, I'm lying.  In October, I got very, very sick.  I could barely walk and my entire body swelled up.  It would take me a half an hour to get out of bed.  I had a prescription for the percs.  But it has been just over a year since I have illegally taken an opiate.  I'm very proud of myself.  My daughter just turned 2 in May and she is the most beautiful, amazing thing in the world.  I love her more than words can say.

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